Greetings again darlings! This month, we have the very delicious GrayAngel this month, sharing himself with us *oooooo I say! aren't we lucky!* :o) GrayAngel is an associate member of the VC, as well as being involved within some other houses, namely House Of Mystic Echoes, and Vampire Nations. He can be contacted via HoME on http://www.geocities.com/xvzaarvx/ ..Alternatively, he can be contacted via AIM on Pharaohborn.
Silver: Greetings Gray Angel :o) Thankyou for agreeing to be my guest this month, it's good to have you here :o)
GrayAngel: Why thank you Silver, I'm glad to be here, it's been a while since I was able to be more conversational in the community, and it's nice to be doing so once again..
Silver: Well, we are certainly glad to have the benefit of your wisdom :o) Ok, would you indulge us with a little background information on yourself?
GrayAngel: Well I have been in the community a bit longer than 3 years, and I have been working with giving advice and learning myself throughout that time. I have also been seeking to aid in unifying the community, so that we might have a better harmony within our gatherings. I am a eclectic feeder, and have spent some years developing my own unique spiritual and mystic paths.
Silver: That's very interesting, especially the part about helping to unify this community.. I believe this is something many want, but most don't really know how to go about it..Though, lately, it does seem as if a good beginning has been made, and it looks promising..Hopefully, your work, and that of others within this community will help to one day, bring it all to fruition :o) Can you say what point in your life, you discovered you were a vampire?
GrayAngel: Well my full awakening came at about the same time as I entered the community, although it was really a matter at that point of gaining a vocabulary, and a context, as well the perspective of others' understanding this, this as well, not just it being me. I think the first time that I really connected to it tho' was when I was about 4 years old and since then I have just been consolidating that understanding.
Silver: I think it was probably similar for many of us, as far as taking the time to learn the lingo, as it were, and get used to the idea that "this is really happening to me"..When you finally knew this was what was going on, and began to look more into it, did you have anyone else to relate with along the way, or were you on your own for the most part, in finding explanations?
GrayAngel: Well I was fortunate enough to be connected to both the VC, and many teachers of certain things, so that I was able to bounce many things off of people, however I was a bit weary and stubborn so I just didn't take full advantage of what I had open to me. So I was on my own in finding them for quite a while, up until recently.
Silver: Ok, you have stated that you are an "eclectic vampire"..Can you explain a bit about what this means, for the benefit of those who do not yet know, and what ways do you seek out what you need from others?
GrayAngel: Well there are two things that should be clearly stated, to start out with, so as to minimize confusion..
Silver: Ok..
GrayAngel: First is that there is a line between eclectic feeding and adaptive feeding. With adaptive being those who've learned to substitute other energies for the ones called for by the primary feed. While eclectic vampires need a combination of many different energies. I myself am on the far end of the eclectic scale, meaning that I feed from all sources of energy both positive and negative, however this is not the case for all eclectic's, it is simply the case of yours truly :o) Due to feeding from so many sources, I have to find the right balance of feeding, and make sure I'm attentive, because I have had times where I feed, but because of a lack of attention to detail, I feed from one source, and it doesn't sate the hunger, because it was not the source I needed at the time. That is the sum up for the most part.
Silver: Right ok.. Can you perhaps explain what it feels like, tapping into both positive and negative energies?
GrayAngel: Well they both have their own very destinctive flows. For me, the positive feels like a lighter, more 'up tempo' energy. It is rather reminiscent of drinking a glass of bubbly, on a walk though a meadow on a nice summer morning.
Silver: *wonders secretly if there be strawberries that come with that bubbly?* :o)
GrayAngel: actually I was contemplating mentioning them.. They were budding in the field I was envisioning ;-)
Silver: ahahahahaha :o)
GrayAngel: While the negative has the feel of steel on stone, and is a much more pulsating, heavier energy. It's that feeling of sastifaction and release when you get a justified opportunity to let go, as you have a good mad on. Something like the last shot in a martial arts tournament that wins it for you. Or climbing the face of a building to get a glimpse at the moon.
Silver: That's an interesting way of describing them both.. For me, I don't really seek out negative energies, but have learned recently that I can be, and have been affected by them, when I assumed it was just heavy duty chaos on most occasions.. While it isn't something I make a point of going looking for, I have found that there are certain times when I am able to handle them better than others, but you are quite right in saying they are denser and heavier - they would feel that way to someone who is not a negative vampire, just as positive energies would not have the desired effect to one who grabs via negatives..Ok, I would like to speak a bit about the houses you are involved in...Besides the VC, you are also involved in House Of Mystic Echoes, and Vampire Nations..Can you share with us a bit about what the latter two perhaps offer to the community, by way of services, programs, etc..?
GrayAngel: Of course, the House of Mystic Echoes is the first house that I have belonged to, and I am currently the House Manager. I spend time with admissions and interviews, as well as overall assistance to Zaar (our house elder) in administration. It is a House organized to be a link, or key stone if you will, between the vampire community, and many magickally - inclined traditions. We are also trying to support the community in finding outlets, such as feeding the homeless, and the tarot readers and street preformers here. As well as seeing other means to help travellers and those who have been disenfranchised. The Vampire Nations Council is a group of representatives from many different "nations" (i.e. groups, houses, etc) and it is poised to unite many of the facets of the community into a more communitive and unified place for people to come, when there are problems that need redress..It also has a secondary sister list "vampire nations unite" for those who are interested in being an active member in the community, but are not in the roll of organizational representative for any of the various reasons that could be.
Silver: Oh well done! That's such a great thing as far as outreach within the community, other than the vampiric community goes, and a positive step in ensuring vampires are looked upon as other than what most have us pegged out to be..As far as the other ones you have mentioned, it sounds very positive, as far as the progress you all are making for this community, and that's a very good thing to see.. Hopefully, some of these other organisations and houses out there, will follow your example and begin to do the same..Do you think personally, that there is anything else you/we could be doing for this community, that you/we are not currently doing? And what?
GrayAngel: Well beginning to try and educate ourselves about the other elements of feeding and development that don't connect to us directly, so as to better understand each other and our community. I also think that all of us, myself included, need to provide more of an outreach to the swans/potential swans out there. After all, they are our life in many ways, and with many meanings. We as a community, seem to think alot about each other and ourselves, but we don't give as much effort as I believe we should, to try to connect with those that are not vampires, also so that we can become a part of the world more than just a part of our own little side element.
Silver: You know, I believe you are right in saying so.. How should we attempt to bring these who are not vampires, into our circles more? Is there perhaps some way of bringing them around us, possibly even to the lists and organisations we are all a part of?
GrayAngel: Well I'd say the main thing to do, would be to open up more of our groups and organisations to the membership, or at least involvement of those that are not vampires... And to be able educate them about us in a more open fashion. We do tend to be a bit closed - mouthed unless we are talking to other vampires (I know I have been) and I think that's our biggest obstacle to overcome.
Silver: This is mostly true, due to the way some people receive us..I realise for some, it is difficult to hear, and moreso to understand that there could be such a thing as real vampirism..How would you advise other people who seek help, but are too firmly rooted within the vampire myth or lifestyle?
GrayAngel: Well use the myths and use the lifestyle, they are after all about us and in tribute to us on some fundamental planes. The way I see it is this, we're turning our backs on our heritage by completely dissociating ourselves from the stories, either those told or played out, about us. If someone didn't have a desire to learn more about vampire then they wouldn't be here, or telling them, or living that way at all, and we can use that to foster understanding. Here are some examples of what I mean.
Silver: Ok..
GrayAngel: In lifestyling, they use many vampire themes, most of which have some link to our actual life, but nearly all of which are not the same as our lives. And these lifestylers enjoy doing this. To me this is a prime opportunity for opening up conversations with those who might be interested in learning, and for finding swans, and for tapping into people who could be great contacts and allies in developing events, or finding music, clothes, art, food, etc. because while we don't all have the same tastes neither do the lifestylers. And it's always nice to have someone else to find enjoyable things for you and then just pass them along. Sure you won't like everything that's sent your way. But in the mean time it's a lot swifter to gain knowledge and understanding. And who knows? Just because they like the lifestyle as a recreation doesn't mean they don't know the difference, and I think it is a bit judgemental of us, as a community, leaned toward the assumption that "lifestyler" somehow links to undereducuated.
On the myth side - I think this is even more important. Our elders of generations gone by, were of the same mind once, as were all elders once upon a time. They taught through use of parable and simile. And if you take the myths of us there are things to be learned from them that ring quite true. They are just on a grand scale for emphasis, as are any myths. Think about it this way. The movies about navy seals aren't real, and they are engrandized. And in fact the bluck of them don't serve as a direct representation of the life of a seal. However they still do convey some key elements about them, so that those outside can start to have a clue. And picture how useful it would be to have even that clue if you woke up one morning and realized that you were a navy seal, and had to get into the swing of things, and catch up, or crash and burn..Those dramatic movies would be a god send, and old myths are even better/more conclusive. I actually published an article title "The Beast Within" on an earlier zine about it, and have a whole set of them upcoming to really detail the process, so they can be found here sooner or later.
Silver: That's kewl, I won't mind having a read once you are finished..Yanno, some people come to the VC in doubt as to whether they are suffering from vampirism..Is there a way they can know for certain they do suffer from it?
GrayAngel: Well if they aren't enjoying every minute of it then that's a good sign.
Silver: ahahahaha :o)
GrayAngel: Ok all flippant-ness aside here's what I have on that score.
Silver: Ok :o)
GrayAngel: First, I really do think that many vampires tend to make it more of a burden than has to be, it's like any other perpetual condition of life, it's a mixed burden & blessing, and thus, there is the chance for it to be either a drain or a boost depending on how you address it and deal with it. As to those who are in the situation where they might be, or are going through an awakening, here's what I can tell you. Talk to as many vampires as you can, find out how much of what they went through, you have, and why. What is true of a sang awakening, might not be so for a psi - neg, and what's true for a neg tends to vary drastically from that of say, a empath - pos. So don't assume that just because one of us says one thing, that's the end all and be all out there. As we'll all tell you, we know what we've experienced ourselves, and what we've managed to glean from others. That's not a complete listing by any stretch. Many vampires to tend to sense it in others when seeing them face to face, but for most of us, that option isn't open. Also, if you read a lot, and ask many questions, you can get a real feel for some of the notes of similarity among vampire awakenings. Another thing is, that just because something is among the vampire traits, doesn't mean that it alone constitutes someone being a vampire (for better or worse).
Silver: That's very true what you have said there..
GrayAngel: Ultimately though, what it comes down to, is that you will know. Don't push, don't rush, and do very much look into the knowledge available here. And when you've done that, just step back, and without worrying about what you want the answer to be, ask yourself if you are or not. And you'll know.
Silver: That's very good advice..How has working within the Vampire Church helped you within your own vampirism?
GrayAngel: It's given me the chance to learn from some very knowledgeable vampires, and to then turn around and apply that knowledge to teaching others. So it shows me all the time what I have learned. With the questions I get, it also shows me so much I have yet to learn. And then provides most of the resources I need to learn it. Also, one of my real cravings (I use the word craving because it's such a deep driving goal) is to help other vampires especially as they are going through awakening and the stabilization span thereafter. The VC provides an invaluable resource in aiding me with that, and since I, as all of us, only have so much time in a day, every bit of help is welcomed quite warmly. On an even more personal note, I've met some very wonderful people here, who are now close friends, and many of whom have quite literally changed my life. So it's helped me to have that support network, and that group of people to turn to who actually know what I'm talking about, and understand vampirism as well as, or better than I do.
Silver: The one thing I would like to add about "awakening" is, I believe that it is never fully realised..That is to say, I don't believe we ever get to the point of being "fully awakened".. I believe it is a lifelong process that we go through, nor do I believe that it is spontaneous..I think it starts off slow, perhaps, and then later, it sort of goes in waves..Sometimes strong, other times, it slacks a bit..Yes, I agree with you.. It is very important to have a good support network from people all over the community, and not in just one specific house or org..I think there are many of us out here that can and do provide knoledge on vampirism at all its many levels, and that's such a great thing..It's great to have the way paved for those who continue to learn about themselves, and know they have this support available to them..Ok, I have a final question for you, and then I'll let you get on with the rest of your evening :o) Where do you see the community going over the next 5 years? Or more to the point, where would you LIKE to see it go?
GrayAngel: Well where I see it going is a wide open question, we are really at a key turning point right now. Not the only one we'll see in the life of this community but a key one nonetheless, and it's up to us to decide where we head from here. If things run on this course as they are now, I don't think it will be so good, but that's only without some changes, and we are so ready for and open to changes right now, that I can honestly say I think we will end up in better straits than our current surroundings might indicate. And I'd challenge every vampire out there, to keep that in mind, and to keep looking for that in things to see if you can catch what I mean by it. As to where I'd like to see it go, ok here's my soap box for the day *grins and winks at the assemblage.... Didn't think you were getting out of here without one did you*
Silver: :oD
GrayAngel: I'd like to see a community where we are learning and sharing with each other, and with swans on a daily basis. One where, when a newly awakening vampire (agree with you by the way, it's just like going through puberty, it's a change but a continuing one and more of something coming clearer than a new thing being added) can show his/her parents information and people who are able to help support and explain when things get confusing. One where, when a vampire who feeds in a specific way comes onto a list, the answers to questions they ask are directions to those who know it best, not challenges to their right to be on the list in the first place. One where, we as a community have more places offline, where we can be and gather and talk. And where our interactions with each other both on the personal and group levels, have changed from us being perhaps our own worst enemy (admit it vamps, you know what I'm talking about) to us being our own staunchest supporter, and most inexhaustable resource. Basically I see us as a family, and I hope we can become one of those families who stays in touch even with its cousins, and great aunts and uncles, and who looks forward to family gatherings, and who will be there for any member of it, in a heartbeat, and ask questions later when it's not a problem anymore. Those families you're always proud to have, and be a part of, and those who you feel blessed to have been born into. Because let's face it, we are kindred, we are all born into this life together, and in some cases we're the only family we've got. So please, let's start acting like it.
Silver: That's very true.. We are family, and we should be better to each other, instead of assuming the worst about each other.. Well GrayAngel, I have enjoyed our time, and would like to thankyou again for being my guest, and for all that you do within the community :o)
GrayAngel: It's my continuing pleasure on both counts Silver, I'm glad to have been able to spend the time to be here and converse with you this evening.
Silver's Final Thoughts ~
Greetings again :o)
Well, we are still on the subject of unification in this community. Something most everyone wants, but not everyone knows how to achieve..GrayAngel brought up some valid points - we tend not to include swans very much, and tend to keep those who are not vampires, out of our community, due to the treatment we have received from them, amongst other reasons..So how can we turn this around, and bring about the change that everyone seems to want? As it has been pointed out by many, the perpetual bickering, slandering, lying, backstabbing, etc NEEDS to cease..How can we address anything if we cannot even treat one another as adults? And how many out there claim "freedom of speech" when they are the ones who blatantly slander others on a constant basis? We cannot expect people outside this community to take us seriously, if all we who are on the inside of it.can do, is go for the jugular *pardon the pun*..
Secondly, we need to find ways of incorporating swans and other people who are not vampires nor swans into this community more, because, as it has also been pointed out, we depend largely on what they offer to us freely..Outreach into the mundane community..Feeding the homeless, donating time or goods to a charity, etc, and making sure the charities know the help came from a vampiric house or organisation..Hosting more live events, in order to be able to educate the public, and mingle with one another..Even if it be once a week or every other week for a coffee and a chat, or maybe setting up a class..Educate each other on the various methods of energy grabbing and usage..We are finding new ways all the time..
Above all, communication seems to be one of the main keys to tackling this issue..If we maintain positive communication between us, surely this is a step in the right direction..I have made use of this particular quote before, as I tend to use often the ones which hit home the hardest about a given issue, and I wanted to use this one again, just to make this point which is being made here today, within this interview -
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending"..
- Carl Bard
There it is.. We can't really start anew, but we can move forward and make improvements to what is existing..The really great thing is, for those who are just beginning to know of this life, they have so much more help available, and so many more resources to utilise, and this is such a POSITIVE step forward :o) We ARE making progress, and we all need to try just a little bit harder, and eventually we may succeed in the goals so many of us have for this community :o) To all, please enjoy the warm weather, and the upcoming 4th of July holiday :o)
Until next month ~
Dark Blessings..
Silver
Edited by Silver